Should You Split Bills? How to Manage Money In a Relationship

Every month, Mika Maenaga, 26, and her boyfriend log their expenses in a shared spreadsheet, whether joint costs like rent or individual ones like a solo trip. Since he earns twice as much as she does, he covers two-thirds of the expenses, while she contributes one-third.

“We see each other as long-term partners. I think we wanted to practice the financial aspect of our relationship before marriage,” said Maenaga. “We’ve had plenty of fights and conversations over it [money], because, to both of us, it’s an important aspect of a relationship.”

While Maenaga and her partner have agreed on a division of expenses that feels fair to both of them, the question of who pays how much can be complicated. Plus, splitting bills can be cumbersome. For instance, should you Venmo for every transaction or just open a joint bank account?

Figuring Out How to Split Bills

Kelly Reddy-Heffner, a CFP and certified financial therapist, advises couples to be upfront and honest about affordability and choose a method both consider fair.

She says that couples tend to divvy up bills two ways, either 50/50 or in proportion to income, which she notices is common when there’s an income gap due to one partner earning more or still being in school.

“Money is still one of those things [that is] a very big source of potential conflict and frustration in a relationship,” said Reddy-Heffner. “For both parties, it’s important to really have an honest conversation about what’s affordable.”

Naomi Horn, 24, has been with her boyfriend for nine years. When they first moved in together after college, he paid more of their shared expenses because he earned more than she did. Yet now that he’s in grad school, they split expenses 50/50.

“We’re pretty comfortable talking about money with each other, which I think is helpful,” said Horn. “If, down the line, one of us suddenly was making twice as much, we would want it to feel fair … I think we’re pretty good about splitting expenses, but we’re also not like ‘let me Venmo request you for $7.'”

A Joint Bank Account or Venmo?

Although Horn and her partner didn’t have trouble determining how to split expenses, she found the logistics of dividing costs trickier.

She and her boyfriend considered using Venmo, Splitwise, or a spreadsheet, but ultimately settled on opening a joint credit card.

“A lot of the guidance out there is for people who are married,” said Horn. “I feel like the systems out there have not caught up to the fact that people in their 20s and 30s are doing something in between living at home and being married.”

Reddy-Heffner recommends that couples open a joint bank account, where they pool money together to pay off shared expenses, and keep separate accounts.

There’s also some evidence that newly engaged and married couples who merged their finances by opening a joint account, on average, had higher relationship quality than those who maintained separate accounts.

“It’s always just good to know the responsibilities that come with a joint account or a joint credit card,” said Reddy-Heffner.

For example, with joint credit cards, both people are responsible for paying off the balance even if only one person incurred the debt. And joint accounts can be particularly risky in instances of financial abuse.

The Bottom Line

Money can be a taboo topic for many people, fraught with feelings of anxiety and shame. For that reason, it’s important to be transparent when discussing finances with your partner, especially when it comes to figuring out how to split expenses.

“We recommend financial dates where you set aside time and make it a top priority to sit down and have that conversation,” said Reddy-Heffner. “At that point where you’re making the decision to move in together or to share finances, that transparency is key.”

You’ll want to find an approach that both people think is fair, whether that involves dividing all expenses equally or having one person cover rent and the other paying for food and utilities.

And when it comes down to the nitty and gritty of actually divvying up costs, you may keep things separate and transfer money back and forth with the help of Zelle or Venmo, or you may want to open a joint bank account or credit card.