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When I work with clients going through a divorce, my first response isn’t “I’m sorry”—instead, it’s “Okay, let’s get organized.”
Divorce isn’t just emotional—it’s financial. If we don’t help clients plan early, they risk making decisions based on anger or fear instead of facts. Here’s how I guide the conversation.
Key Takeaways
- Getting financially organized early helps clients avoid emotional or rushed decisions.
- Categorizing income potential, marital vs. premarital assets, and legacy priorities can bring clarity during this difficult time.
- The right team of neutral professionals can help clients split fairly and avoid unnecessary legal battles.
What I’m Telling My Clients
I begin by advising my clients to stop thinking about money as “his” and “hers” and start thinking in three buckets:
1. Income potential: Who earns what, and how long have they been married?
2. Separate vs. Marital Property: What’s premarital vs. what did the couple build together?
3. Legacy for the Kids/Family: What will be passed on? (This is a big one–legacy matters, even when the couple is splitting).
Real World Scenarios
You may have already thought about these questions or not at all. For example, one woman I worked with had been married for 18 years, had three kids, and managed the home while her husband built a business. She didn’t even know what was in their investment accounts when prompted to consider these three buckets.
So, we started simple—listing what they each owned before marriage, what they owned now, and what had grown during the marriage. She was shocked to see how much of the business’s growth happened while they were married (yes, that’s considered marital property). A forensic accountant confirmed the numbers, which gave her leverage during mediation.
In another case, a couple wanted to keep it peaceful for their teen daughters. They sat down with me and we did a “decoupling draft.” We reviewed their accounts, retirement plans, and the family condo. It wasn’t always easy, but because we approached it like a financial puzzle, not a war, they walked out with a fair split and didn’t spend a fortune on legal fees.
Note
According to the Central Bank, each divorced individual needs an average income increase of more than 30% to maintain the standard of living they had prior to their separation.
Choosing the Right Team
The right team makes a huge difference. I always recommend a neutral CFP (someone like me who can also be a CDFA), plus a family mediator or an attorney, depending on how things are going.
You need professionals who know what they’re doing and can collaborate with each other, so make sure to choose wisely.
The Bottom Line
Divorce is never easy for clients, but it doesn’t have to be a disaster. By implementing the right financial framework, considering the critical buckets, and building the right team, making decisions that benefit clients and alleviate the stress accompanying these difficult times is possible.
