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Nearly 1 in 4 divorces happen due to money problems, and over 50% of people say their partner’s debt would be a major reason to consider divorce. Three in 5 would put off marriage to avoid their partner’s debt, and 35% think finances put a strain on their relationship.
While the economy is unpredictable, you can prevent some of these problems by bringing up finances before getting married, so you’re on the same page about things like:
- Expectations: Who would pay for things?
- Major goals: Would you like to save for a house together?
- Key financial decisions: How do you want to budget for children’s education, trips, expensive hobbies, etc?
Discussing money can feel overwhelming, so here’s how to get started with a comprehensive list of what you should consider talking about.
Key Takeaways
- Honest conversations about income, spending habits, and future goals can help couples avoid conflicts.
- Decide how to manage both day-to-day expenses and major purchases (who pays, what accounts you’ll use) before major commitments.
- Your partner’s debt doesn’t automatically become yours, but it can affect future joint loans.
Your Current Financial Situation
You can’t set goals and track your progress if you don’t even know the starting line, so begin here. Being transparent about your current situation, no matter how unfavorable it might be, can help you plan more effectively and prevent nasty surprises like hidden debts down the road.
Here are some topics to cover.
Income
Be honest about your current income to set accurate lifestyle expectations. Ask questions like:
- Are you able to cover your bills and have anything left for investments and leisure?
- Do you have any additional income streams that can help fund goals like a dream trip together or buying a house?
- Is your income stable or variable (for example, a job vs freelance work)?
Assets/Savings/Investments
Talk about any cash, high-yield savings accounts, brokerage balances, retirement accounts, real estate, and vehicles. Your ability to save for the future, including putting in a down payment, having liquidity in emergencies, and planning for retirement, depends on what you already own.
Debt
Debt can be a major dealbreaker, so be upfront about it, even if it means realizing the relationship might not work out due to financial differences. Debts will affect cash flow and borrowing power, so discuss all of them, even if you think they’re minor.
Credit Scores
A good score helps with mortgage rates and loan approvals, while a bad one can affect joint borrowing. Talk about your current credit score and any plans for improving it.
Spending Habits
This can be a major cause for conflicts, so be honest about your current spending habits and future goals. People avoid discussing this openly because a partner might object to excessive spending, but if you want something to be a part of your lifestyle, it’s better to bring it up in advance than have arguments and feel controlled in the relationship later.
Money Values
This is tied to how you earn money, decide to spend it, and choose to invest it.
- Are you someone who values the things money can buy and wants to actively spend it, or do you prefer saving and investing to prepare for the future?
- Do you want to spend a lot of time and effort making money, or do you prefer taking it easy even if it means having less income?
- What do you want to prioritize when finances are tight?
Managing Money During Marriage
Once you’ve established where you both stand financially, the next step is planning what role money will play in your life together and how.
Here are some key things to discuss.
Financial Responsibilities of Each Person
- Would one partner pay for everything?
- Would one handle daily essentials while the other covers major bills?
- Do you want to go 50/50?
Everyday Spending
- How much do you expect to spend on a typical day?
- Does this come out of a shared account, or does each partner manage their own payments?
- Do you want to set a threshold for heavy expenditure on shopping and hobby purchases?
- Do you prefer to discuss before making major transactions?
Monthly Budget
Decide how to split costs and set a budget for both shared and personal expenses. Some options include:
- Equal split: Each partner pays the same amount. Works best if incomes are similar.
- Proportional split: Each contributes based on income percentage. So, the partner earning more pays more.
- Category assignment: One covers the mortgage, the other covers groceries, and so on.
Type of Accounts You’ll Have
Do you want a joint account for shared expenses? Would there be any limits to what a partner spends from their personal account? How much of the income would go into each account (for example, 50% to the joint account and the rest remains personal)?
Saving/Investing
Potential Loans/Mortgage
- Would you apply for loans and mortgages as a couple or maintain separate accounts?
- Who would be responsible for repaying the loans?
Tip
If one partner’s credit score is low, discuss whether to wait, apply individually, or accept higher rates.
Emergency Fund
Experts suggest having three to six months’ worth of expenses set aside in an emergency fund. Do you already have a cushion, or do you need to build one? If so, decide how much you want to contribute to each pay period and what qualifies as an emergency.
Lending Money to Family Members
This can be a sensitive subject, so make sure you openly discuss any expectations around paying for and lending money to loved ones. Would this come out of personal or shared accounts?
Your Financial Future Together
Short-Term and Long-Term Goals
Discuss what you want to accomplish in the next one to five years and beyond. Examples include:
- Paying off student loans or credit card debt
- Saving for a down payment on a house
- Building a travel fund for annual vacations
- Planning for children and future education expenses
Write down your top three individual goals and compare them. Look for overlaps and make them your shared priorities.
Major Purchases
Major purchases are inevitable, so make sure you have a solid plan to manage them. Decide how you’ll handle expenses related to buying a house, having children, funding expensive hobbies, etc.
Tip
Talk about the timeframe for these purchases so both have plenty of time to prepare, both financially and emotionally.
Retirement
Even if it feels decades away, don’t skip this, as your future well-being depends on how you invest in it today. Talk about:
- How much to save: Decide on the percentage of income.
- Account types: 401(k), IRA, Roth IRA, etc. Make sure you’re maximizing employer matches.
- Lifestyle vision: Do you picture retiring early, traveling extensively, or downsizing to a smaller home?
When Is the Best Time To Ask My Partner About Their Salary?
Simple answer: The earlier, the better. If you have immediate concerns like a big debt, plans to buy a house in the near future, unemployment, and other circumstances that could impact your ability to contribute to the relationship financially, it’s important to bring these things up as soon as you can.
Does Your Partner’s Debt Become Yours When You Get Married?
No. Debt stays in the name of the person who incurred it. However, if you apply for joint loans (like a mortgage), lenders might consider both partners’ debts and incomes when deciding approval and rates.
Does Getting Married Impact My Credit Score?
Marriage alone doesn’t merge credit scores. You each keep your individual scores. However, joint accounts, co-signed loans, or authorized user status can affect your reports over time.
What’s the Best Way To Split Bills During Marriage?
It depends on your situation. Some couples split 50/50, others split proportionally by income, and some assign categories. Have an honest discussion about which approach might work best for you. Keep in mind that circumstances change over time, and your strategies would also have to evolve to accommodate your new situation.
Can We Get a Mortgage if One of Us Has Bad Credit?
Yes, but it may be more expensive. Lenders typically use the lower of the two scores when setting rates for joint applications. Alternatives include waiting to apply until credit improves, applying under the higher-scoring partner alone, or saving for a larger down payment.
The Bottom Line
Money talks can seem uncomfortable, but they’re necessary to ensure you’re on the same page about the life you want to build together and how you’re going to fund it. Planning for earning, saving, investing, and spending together can help you avoid a major area of conflict that’s getting many couples divorced. If you’re having trouble coming to an agreement, consider working with a financial advisor or a couples therapist to find ways to align your goals and lifestyles.
