Understanding Why 33% of Us Feel Resentment

A new Choice Mutual survey shows that two-thirds of young Americans expect to inherit money, and the average person anticipates a windfall of around $335,000. But the survey also made clear that many don’t see their parents as providing help in their financial future, but as adding to their financial problems.

More than half of young Americans (53%) say they expect to be financially burdened by their parents as they age, the survey found. Many are already helping to financially support their parents, whether that means covering medical bills, pitching in for their rent, or covering everyday expenses. This pressure is reshaping how younger generations plan their own financial futures.

When Resentment Creeps In

Any family discussion about money can turn explosive quickly, but today’s economic pressures are helping to make things even more volatile. Many Millennials and Gen Z adults already feel squeezed by student loans, housing costs, and inflation. Layer on the expectation of paying for parents’ long-term care or funeral expenses, and a lot of frustration is building among Americans.

The Choice Mutual survey makes the intra-family tensions clear:

• 53% of those expecting to help parents say they’ll feel burdened by it.
• 60% report anxiety over what that support will mean for their own finances.
• 52% say they’re already changing financial plans—cutting back on savings, delaying milestones like buying a house, or taking on extra debt—because of their parents.

About a third of respondents admit they blame their parents for not being better prepared financially. That frustration often masks deeper worries: Will helping my parents derail my ability to save for retirement? Will this mean that my children will face the same burdens with me?

Despite these challenges, many aren’t planning for the inevitable. Lily Vittayarukskul, founder of the care planning firm Waterlily, saw firsthand how failing to plan for elder care can destroy relationships. When her family suddenly had to step in for an aunt’s cancer care, “We thought we were so close-knit, but without a plan in place…it created such deep strife in my family that we haven’t spoken…in over a decade.” The same dynamic, she noted, often plays out when children shoulder the costs for parents.

What You Can Do About It

Much of the resentment that’s been building between children and their aging parents is because people tend to underestimate the costs of caring for older adults. In addition, even if your parents have savings set aside, medical bills, housing, and end-of-life expenses can quickly erode the wealth parents hoped to pass on.

Some young adults say they’re saving less or even spending more freely, assuming an inheritance will eventually cover their needs. About one in 10 survey respondents reported taking on extra debt, expecting future family wealth to cover the costs.

So what can families do to cut down on the resentments and strife? Here are some ideas experts suggest:

• Start honest conversations early: Even a simple question—“Do you have a long-term care plan?”—can open the door to having an honest discussion about your parents’ future, Vittayarukskul said. “The conversation shouldn’t just be about insurance, but ask, ‘Do you know where you want to age, for how long, and how you’ll afford it?’”
• Plan for care costs: Long-term care and funeral expenses can devastate inheritances. Looking into insurance or final expense policies may protect both parents and children.
• Get professional advice: Advisors can help families map out inheritance plans, tax implications, and care costs so expectations are grounded in reality. You can also get online help. Vittayarukskul’s experience led her to create an AI-backed platform, Waterlily, that can help you estimate your parents’ long-term care costs.

The Bottom Line

There isn’t a family where discussions about money don’t quickly become complicated and fraught. On one hand, Americans expect an unprecedented wealth transfer that could reshape their financial futures. On the other, many expect to be weighed down by the cost of caring for parents, and one in three are already harboring resentments about it.